Growing Up

Dear Pk,
You hurt me. You hurt me more than any other person in the world. You know why? Because I trust you the most, I love you the most...you hurt me the most. I care about you and I love you and you let me down. You kick me when I'm down with your harsh words because you think that's what I did. Little did you know that its your "honesty" that's pushing me over the edge... It's funny because you think you're the solution? That you can help? None of the things you've said help. If anything, they make the "depression" worse...

I cried myself to sleep last night because of you. I got home this morning and cried some more. You think I need to grow up? Maybe I do. But I'm 17. I'm a kid. Just like you. Your condescending, hypocritical attitude towards me makes me feel like a child. You think I blame the world for my problems? Not even close. Just last week you told me I take the blame too much when half the time the blame isn't even mine. So which one is it?

The worst part of it all? I know I should leave. I know I should end the friendship. But it'll shatter my heart to a million and one pieces, pieces I'll never be able to put back together. So what am I supposed to do? Part of me wants to throw my arms around your neck and sob and have you just this once comfort me. Another part wants to run the opposite direction, as fast as I can.

Just because you had to grow up fast, doesn't mean you should be forcing me to.

Peace&Love

A GOOD DAY

I JUST WANTED TO ANNOUNCE THAT I RECEIVED MY FIRST 2 TUMBLR INBOXES TODAY!!! One of which asking me where I'd like to visit most. Anyways moving on...

So I went to the mall today ...twice. How cool am I? The first was with a really good friend of mine whom I haven't seen since june....needless to say, IT WAS AWESOME. And the second...

Was with The Guy. He was so cute and sweet... I don't know what to say. I feel like the biggest dork when I'm with him, and I never know what to say... is that weird? :$ I even walked home in the dark just to see him.. I'm terrified of the dark. So I blasted "Sexy and I Know It" and danced my way home. Bad. Ass.

I think I'm falling for him.. :$$$

Peace&Love

Masks..

I hurt you. I can see that. Yes, I was upset, but...you weren't an angel in the situation either, you know? I love you and you know that. However, you do know my background, so I'd hope that by now you know what not to say to me?

I'm sorry I made your day worse, as well as mine. You know almost as well as I so how bitchy I get when I get very little sleep..so that has to account for something? Truth be told...some of the things you said sprung tears to my eyes. Yes, real tears. I don't like it when people see me cry so...I left. I guess my mask isn't as good as I thought it was...

I'm sorry. I love you. Forgive me.

Peace&Love

Scared

If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be where I am. If it wasn't for you, I'd still be in a relationship I was very unhappy in. If it wasn't for you being so nice to me, I wouldn't have seen how I should REALLY be treated by a boy that loves me. I care about you.

So yeah, maybe our moms are psycho and treat us like shit most of the time, but we have each other. I can't let you go to bed tonight thinking you aren't appreciated or...needed. Truth is, I do need you. I'd be lost without you...

I care a lot. Please don't do anything stupid...

Peace&Love

Butterflies

I've been sitting around all day watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Doctor Who, talking to the boy that confuses me more than UGGS and short shorts. I talk to him more than probably any other person in my life. I don't know ..how to deal.

I feel like if I got into a relationship with him now, then I'd just be rebounding him and I DON'T want that. I care about him too much to do that to him. But.. I feel butterflies when I'm around him. Is that weird? It sounds cheesy... I'm not big on cheese, but you know.

We talk about everything, we fight, we're there for each other...I compare him to my ex a lot. I guess what I like is...when we fight, he still talks to me. We try making up. My ex...never did that. We try to make it work, and are fine within 24 hours. I can't believe I'm saying this but...I was constantly upset with my ex because he never let me talk about how I felt. My friend lets me talk. He actually makes me ...because he knows it'll be better after.

And the thought that's been holding me back the most? What if it doesn't work out? I lose my best friend.... 

Peace&Love

A Couple Thoughts...

What if it doesn't work out and our friendship is destroyed?

Also....
why is the metro always so smelly?

Peace&Love

The Letter X

I feel like I was given an ultimatum here, and I don't like it very much. It probably isn't that, but I'm kind of a paranoid loser so. Yeah.

My ex texted me today. Yeah, you heard. 2 days after we broke up and he's already trying to weasel his way into my life. I feel guilty and I don't know what to do... Because MAYBE I still have feelings for the guy, but ..it's not the same....

My friend. The one who shall remain anonymous. He's an amazing friend...and I'm just afraid I'd ruin it. What do I doooo :((((((((((((((

Peace&Love

Just a nerdy girl that does nerdy things... <3