You aren't what you say you are, you are what you do.

"I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus, on the pain, the only thing that's REAL."
-Johnny Cash


That is a lyric from a song called Hurt by Johnny Cash. It's actually a really good song, despite the morbid message it gives off. I was reminded last week by people who mean a lot to me that I haven't posted in a long time. I guess I really ....clicked that people actually care about me and about what I have to say. I started this blog so I can keep the people I don't talk to on a regular basis updated on my life. I stopped because I got a lot of mean comments from people and insults and just altogether making me feel worthless because of this blog. I sort of felt like it was pointless to be doing this, since all it seemed to do was hurt me. This song is the reason why I stopped blogging.


Now, before you all panic, I don't physically hurt myself. (Dad, put the phone down. Chill.) I guess it's more emotional. I let people hurt me, and I shouldn't, but that still makes the hurt my fault.


There is always going to be that one person that just doesn't like you for no particular reason, they just don't. All it takes is that one person to make you feel as if the world is crashing down around you. Like the waves are swallowing you whole, and pushing you down every time you try getting back up. You just feel like you're drowning, you go numb, and nothing can help you. You just don't feel anything anymore. All this, because of one person. You just put on a happy face, because people think it's easier to think that you're okay, than knowing the harsh truth of reality. People don't care anymore, they'd rather see something happy and fake, than sad and true. So I put on the happy face for everyone, and pretended I was okay, when I really wasn't.


I want to talk a bit about what made me want to start blogging again. In part, it is about the people that spoke to me about my lack of blogging in the past couple of months, but that isn't the main reason. Have you ever met someone that made you want to change your life around? Maybe be better? Or maybe just try? Well, I met this person on my first day of school. I'd heard about him a lot around the school, and I really wanted him as a teacher. Imagine my excitement when I found out I indeed had him for my last year of high school. He comes off as a bit ADHD. He is crazy and he talks fast and jumps from one idea to another in a matter of seconds, without ever finishing his thought. He sort of reminds me of me. Last week, he said "You are not what you say you are, you are what you DO." That really got me thinking about what I've been "doing" the past few months. What have I been doing? I've been FAKE. I wasn't being myself. I was, but not really. Even if I was sad, or mad, or upset, I always acted happy, to please others. Why? I can't answer that.


This man whom I am talking to you about is my journalism teacher. (I apologize sir if you are reading this you feel awkward.) He's one of those people that says something, and it makes you think. I mean really think. He's also really, brutally honest. Some people may think that's...bad, but I don't think so. I find it refreshing, since our world is filled with fakes, people who give you false impressions of themselves, and lie to your face, just because the truth is harder. It's rare that you'll find someone that's REAL. Something real. And when you do....it's bliss.


I know this post didn't make sense, but then again, nor have my other ones.


Peace&Love